Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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