you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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