i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
