if you like me you must not know who I am
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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