if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
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