Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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