I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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