I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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