i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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