Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
