I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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