Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
