It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize