i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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