Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
zippers are such a cool invention
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
