I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
