im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm passing your future prison.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Did I show you my penis last night?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
