The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
