just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
