I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
