Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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