hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
