i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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