saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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