guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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