please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
