She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
