I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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