Ambien. No doubt about it.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
