dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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