He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
