I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
