She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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