the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
