One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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