U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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