i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
