Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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