I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
