Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
