I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
