I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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