It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
