Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
