you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
