Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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