ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the day after is always just damage control
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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