Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
