I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
