Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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