She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
