someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
