they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
