please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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