Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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