genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
