and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
