my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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