why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
