i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
