just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
