I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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