My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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