It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
