fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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