And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
