Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
